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The end is here.

The end is here.

Mayan Khan’s Morality Meter (Made especially for Mah-e-Mayan, the Mother of all …._

Mayan Khan is a well-known, one of her several kinds televangelists. Nothing sets her apart from the rest, except for her gender. Maybe. I landed myself in a Most Magnificent..  oh forget it. I lost my real job and had to work for her. This here is a part of Mayans Morality campaign. The following is an anecdote when Mayan was setting a quiz…

‘At this point Mayan ran out of all M words and since I can only come up with un publishable versions, I’ll explain the above Mess. Following is a quiz set by Mayan herself to evaluate your Morality in 5 steps. The questions are research based hence mostly made up. I had to transcribe for her and the results were… Mindblowing to say the least.

  1. 1.    Are you fasting? Do you fast? How fast?

a-    UM.  I’m eating (gibberish due to food in mouth)

b-    No I can’t. I am diabetic

c-     I will in Lent

d-    Im too fast to fast

e-     Why do you care?

f-     Yes ALHAMDULLILAH.

g-    All of the above.

 

 

  1. 2.    Have you ever been to a park? Why? Did you tell your mother and your maternal great grandparents? If so, was I there? (Bear in mind the ‘was I there’ part only requires answers of instances when I had a camera with me)

a-    I live in Karachi. What’s a park?

b-    OHMAYYGAWWD  I just looove funland. Kitsch is the new pink.

c-     Yes. (runs away)

d-    Yes we went the other day when you wanted a rolled up… (slap)

e-     Why do you care?

f-     Never ALHAMDULLILAH.

g-    All of the above.

 

 

  1. 3.    Have you ever considered taking and/or taken a miracle child from Amir Liarat? If so, why? Why not me?

a-    Wasn’t that Jesus? IS AMIR LIARAT THE IMMACUALTE CONCEPTOR? Wait, wasn’t that God?

b-    Dude any child of his or yours will be evolution fodder. Imagine. A gaping void in both looks and brains department.

c-     NO! it would imply unthinkable acts. (runs away)

d-    You said you were on the pill!! (slap, followed by tears)

e-     Why do you care?

f-     Yes SUBHANALLAH.

g-    All of the above.

 

 

 

  1. 4.    Are you Moral? If so, are you Mayan certified Moral? If not, whose Morality certificate do you carry?

a-    How do you describe morality? How do I get a certificate? Will it hinder my Canadian immigration process?

b-    Meh.

c-     My Zakir Naik certificate expired. Since its Ramzan or Ramadhan I needed one urgently hence I got one by Amir liaqat. (runs away)

d-    You gave me one after I handed you that money I had been saving to start a school (slap, followed by another, followed by duct tape)

e-     Why do you care?

f-     Yes JAZAKALLAH.

g-    All of the above.

 

  1. 5.    Who has been stealing from my show?
  2. a.     Me – stealing what?

Mayan – this is a quiz, I ask the questions. Stop making me lose my train of thought.

Me – You have a train? And you think? Or is it a thinking train?

Mayan – Seriously, I’m warning you. Just ask who has been stealing from my show. The other day TWO milk boxes were missing!

Me – Oh that. Yeah that’s me. The guys who carry all those cartons are supposed to get them right? They told me they never do. Also, there is a traffic jam everytime I try and go into work because your entourage refuses to follow the traffic rules. I WAS LATE EVERYDAY. I got fired and now I have to do this. I don’t even believe in morality. YOU THINK I ENJOY THIS.

Mayan – MY GOD!

Me – whose?

Mayan – MINE OFCOURSE. You are fired.

Me – THANK GOD!

Mayan – whose God?

Me – not yours for sure. Infact there is a sublime undertone in all that you have said, of my own creation completely, that you have questioned the Oneness. Say hello to a blasphemy charge.

Mayan – runs away.

 

 

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