No not you royal pain baby. You’re as over done as the title of the piece. However, where we come from, we have to repeat ourselves over and over again. Those who value their sanity eventually stop and reach out for lozenges. Some, however, don’t stop until silenced or locked up in a padded cell. So please sit down and not a word from you until you learn to walk with a crutch.

Also can someone please escort political mudslinging out of the room. How do they always manage to get the front row seat and create enough noise to fill up the eerie silence that is indicative of Real Issues’ angry presence. And like all things authentic, you acknowledge it, not the other way round. They know they are too important to call for attention. They demand their due respect and expect you to know the havoc they are capable of creating if ignored. So if we don’t start addressing them politely, they will blow up in our faces. When that happens no one will get the chance to say I told you so except for me. Because I’m confused and I want to know what are they, so that I am on their side when they finally wage war on Fashionistas against Taliban, Malalalalalala gleek club, books that are happy about sorrow, how to get the perfect display picture for your child and so on.


So is it just me or the fact that a man who gets beaten up for violating Ehtereram e Ramzan is more concerning than all of the above. Who decided what kind of respect is required by Ramzan (or is it Ramadan? Or Ramadhan?). What was really violated here? His right to do as he please as long as he is not hurting anyone was intruded upon. How hungry were those people? Isn’t the increasing blood lust more alarming? Can anyone else not feel the Real Issue seething here?


How is it that a woman resisting being raped has her throat slit open, dies and the law of the land declares that the ‘suspect’ will be dealt with accordingly does not horrify each and every one of us? How is the agony of her daughters overshadowed by ‘The Great Kate Wait’? The Real Issue knows how justice will never be served. You must always look away. That’s proper and unreal.


We celebrate a mosque that allows Ahmadis to pray with other Muslims. Who is the other here? Shouldn’t we maybe question the classification and segregation of the two terms. No ones a muslim but everyone is. Real Issue is now murmuring that the collective schizophrenia of our state is more problematic. Infact Real Issues I can almost hear them deciding upon how they will start by questioning the idea of this state. So when that day comes, I want to have at least some of the answers if not all. I’m not used to failing quizzes.


Or maybe I just have it all wrong. Maybe it is more important to focus on the do’s and don’ts of iftar clothes rather than the drones killing civilians or the immeasurable loss of lives in everyday violence across the country. Hence I will ask again, with all due respect, can we please have The Real Issues reveal themselves. Im paranoid but that does not mean they are not out to get all of us.


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